I wrote this, you'll be surprised to hear, a day or so after the tree got felled... So, you know... It WAS topical at the time. I think it speaks a lot about the human condition.*
*Namely, our lust for mob justice.
(A lovely, folksy, very long local newspaper poem, read in the voice of Pam Ayers)
O’ woe is me. I’m that Sycamore tree.
And I’m lying here, on my side.
I’ve been stood here since Robin Hood times.
But now I’ve sadly died.
I say Robin Hood.
I mean Prince of Thieves. Around 1991.
I had good times with Costner and that,
but now those times are done.
I’ve seen it all, betwixt this wall.
Proposals and two world wars!
That was before I had my fall…
But I remember the tourist’s applause.
For a long old time I minded that gap.
Giving walkers memories to last.
Then that kid with the chainsaw turned up,
and I became a thing of the past.
OH I don’t know why that boy done it.
It’s given you all the hump.
I used to pose for photographs,
And now I’m just a stump.
Perhaps, they say, I’ll grow again.
To be enjoyed by generations to come.
No I bloody won’t, I exclaim.
And I’d like to see that boy hung!
Now the police are all around me.
Taking measurements; looking sad.
Oh I hope I get turned into gallows!
Then justice will at least be had.
Maybe I’ll become a big table?
Or a sculpture, fit for the land.
But I wish I could seek out my vengeance.
And feast on the warm blood of man!
But alas, the light now is fading.
Off to tree heaven I fly!
My last wish is for good old mob justice.
As I bid you all a fond goodbye.
…So listen now, when the wind blows.
You’ll hear my tree voice in the breeze.
Still crying for retribution,
And to wipe out the social disease.
Get the boy for me, will you?
Take up your guns and your knives.
Find him and his scum family.
Avenge me by claiming their lives!!!
Share that around, yeah? Give it a bit of "traction." Cheers - TC
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